Make Room for Love by Darcy Liao

Author:Darcy Liao [Liao, Darcy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-11-18T00:00:00+00:00

20

“Okay,” Vivian said, after a few seconds to process Mira’s rambling account as they walked through the park. “I’m a little worried about this situation.”

“What specifically?”

“I don’t like that she’s coming on to you.”

“She’s not. Isabel isn’t like that. She didn’t ask me to date her or sleep with her.” Mira flushed. Her torrid fantasies from last night were embarrassing in the light of day. “She just told me how she felt. It was pretty obvious that she saw it as a problem more than anything else. Her problem, not mine.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“I guess so,” Mira said. Vivian frowned. “No, I mean, she doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s me. I think I like her too much. And I don’t know what that means or what I should do about it. For one thing, I don’t know if this means I’m actually bi?” She looked out at the East River, reflecting the gray sky, and didn’t find any answers. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about a woman before. Maybe I have. I don’t know.”

Vivian was silent. Mira let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.” She was usually more articulate than this. Isabel had her at a loss for words.

“Well, she did express interest in you.”

“I don’t think I’m just responding to that. To be honest, I think I’ve felt this way about her for a while now.” Mira had never trusted her own memories or judgments much. She tended to second-guess herself, to talk herself into or out of things, and Dylan had worn away what little trust in herself she’d had. But even she could see it now: Every time she’d felt a tug toward Isabel in her body or her mind or her heart, she had talked herself out of considering the most obvious possibility.

Until the smile Isabel had given her yesterday. In one ordinary moment, Isabel had changed everything.

Still, the second-guessing was a hard habit to break. “Although, now that I think about it, I guess I have felt this way in the past. Not this strongly. Mostly with my female professors and TAs, and trans girls I really looked up to. Which makes me think that maybe it’s not…”

Vivian smiled. Mira said, “What?”

“I think this is the gayest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Vivian said. “I mean, aside from the fact that you U-Hauled with this woman before you even realized you liked each other. I’m convinced now.”

Mira snorted. Though the reminder that she and Isabel already lived together was ominous. “What are you talking about?”

“Listen to yourself. You’re obsessed with this question of whether you want someone or want to be her.”

“But I do want to be like Isabel. She’s amazing. I’m just saying, that doesn’t necessarily mean⁠—”

“Yeah, the fact that you think about how amazing she is all the time doesn’t mean anything.” Before Mira could reply, Vivian went on. “You know I’m worried about you⁠—”

“I know.”

“—but I do feel like it’s my responsibility to help you figure out if you like women.

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